I asked for little; I received much.
I asked for much; I never received as much as
I wanted.
I wanted sentimental things: emotional bonds.
I received materialistic things as a substitute.
As if I was asking for sugar,
And received diamonds instead.
My true yearnings were kept quiet,
If I rejected them I would be ungrateful.
So I savored the proxy,
Knitting the diamonds in my growing collection
Into a chain that I could wrap around my tongue
To disorient my taste buds, make them believe
They had everything they wanted.
That I had everything that I wanted.
It was nothing but a pathetic attempt
To cover up my inner turmoil,
To close the curtains over the windows to my soul
In order to hide what I knew I could never have.
My life is filled with temporal sweets
Flavorless against my tongue as I have grown used
To the taste of disappointment.
My longing for passion from someone,
Anyone
Constantly drowned by my misery;
Waves upon waves crashing within my chest cavity
Like a never ending storm.
It is all I have ever known,
It is all I have ever felt,
And I can’t see myself feeling anything else.
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